I have two grandchildren, ages 7 and 5. It was so exciting when the first one was born, and I opened up my entire heart to him. But very quickly I learned that a modern grandparent is supposed to babysit, not for hours, but for weekends. Even with my older kids and husband helping out, it was exhausting and, I was down for two days to recover.
Fibromyalgia does not recover from things like a normal person would. I might be able to do what needs to be done at the time, but it is the next day and day after that tells the real story. Imagine a worn out mattress spring that no longer bounces back when pressed.
I love my grandchildren with all my heart. But my energy level is not enough to watch them by myself at all, and even with help, I can't do it for more than a day. I envy other grandmothers who take their grandkids shopping, or play with them, or bake cookies with them. I'm only 52 and I can't do that anymore.
My body puts out signals to let me know when I am overstressed. It might be a migraine, or an irritable bowel flare up, or my back spasms. The difference between Fibromyalgia and depression is that you WANT to do things, but your body won't let you. There is only one solution to maintaining peace within yourself and that is to say NO.
If you have children, or grandchildren, and are able to spend time with them, enjoy every moment. I only live 11 miles away, and yet it is like 1,000 miles away since I can't get too involved with them. I try to let them know how much I love them when I get a chance, and it hurts me to not see them as much as I would like to. I get tired of explaining why I can't take my own grandchildren, so it looks like I am distant and uncaring.
If you know someone who is like this I hope you will think twice before judging them. It may be that they think you will not understand, and maybe you wouldn't. I look like a normal person. I can walk and talk. And when I feel bad, no one sees me because I hide in my house and lock the doors. I even have an OPEN or CLOSED sign on my door for my Avon business, which helps me control my environment.
I don't want attention for having Fibromyalgia, but I want attention given to Fibromyalgia. When it comes between a grandmother and her grandchildren, you then see the silent destroyer within. God bless our grandchildren, and the grandmothers who love them.
I can relate to pretty much what you said--about saying no, what the mind wants and the body doesn't. I think holidays and winter are twice as stressful for people with fibro. I am having a hard time dealing with the extremely cold weather now plus the so-called expectations with work (they expect 1 hour a day overtime this week--as it is 8 hours is enough) and holiday tasks. I wanted to make the holiday special for my family, but with the combo of cold and oveertime, I just can't do it. I have all to do to do what is expected of me and that is it. I did get smart and hire someone to clean for me and buy a dishwasher. That has alleviated a lot of the stress, but there's still all this work stuff and holiday mumbo jumbo. I just would rather skip it all, hide out into a hotel room and relax until it is all over. I am going to say no a lot and put my self-care first while using the hotel room scenario as my happy place while I do my biofeedback relaxation breathing.
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