By: Theresa Blume
Merry Christmas 2011 Friends!
I hope all those who suffer with chronic pain have made it through this day with the ability to enjoy the good things you have been blessed with. It is so easy to dwell on the negative, like the fact that I didn't get to make my family brunch, that I forget to think about the positive, such as the fact that my husband made the whole thing instead.
The chronic fatigue part of Fibromyalgia is very hard to handle on holidays, I guess due to the added stress of extra activities and people visiting, etc. It's embarrassing because I slept more than I visited my family. I love them so much and look forward to seeing them, yet all I did was sleep through almost the whole thing.
There's a lot going on in my life right now. I'm about to become an empty nester in a day or so when my last child leaves home to go to college. My son is planning his marriage to a beautiful girl next fall. My mom just got married last month. My father will be gone for two years now on December 31rst.
Life is about change, but it seems like some years have more changes in them than others. And I can't complain because the people around me are fairly happy and healthy and moving on in good ways. I just feel like I can't keep up.
Chronic Fatigue is not about being tired. It is literally total body exhaustion that wears your mind, body and soul down and you can't move. I think the fatigue is worse than the pain, although I suspect it is caused by the pain.
My lovely future daughter-in-law invited me to join her and her mother and my daughter to go look at wedding dresses tomorrow-the day after Christmas. To any other mother, this would be heaven, a fun girls day out. But I am terrified. I have to be up and ready at 11:00, and ride with them, meaning that it will be on their schedule. I am afraid, what if I get sick? What if I can't stay awake? What if?
I have lost my adventurer's spirit, and am now a cowering chicken. I want to be there for all the good things, but I live in fear of what my body might do. I might have a good day. But experience tells me otherwise. Is there anyway to prepare for these things?
All I can do is once more, turn to God and ask for His help and comfort. I want to see the future bride in a beautiful dress, I want to meet her mother, and share this with my daughter before she goes to school, but I don't want to ruin their day. Lord give me strength. In my weakness, let me lean on You O God.
I will read my Bible tonight and search for help in it's pages. There are no cures for Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue yet. But with knowledge, and exposing my thoughts and fears, hopefully understanding will come and eventually we will find a way to help each other. That's my Christmas wish for all of us!
“The original definition of courage is to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.”
― Brené Brown
