"Legally Disabled"

On July 14th, 2005, upon the advice of my best friend, I applied for disability.  It was after one of our "talks" and we both knew that my health wasn't getting any better.  I was frustrated from all the consequences of being sick, because it was affecting my family as well as myself.  She thought it would be wonderful for me to get disability so I could have a better life.

Little did we forsee that over 5 years would pass before a judge in another state on a TV monitor would make the declaration.  Meanwhile my health, mental state, and finances deteriorated after a major car accident, cancer, my mom getting cancer, three devastating moves, and my father's death.  The judges final verdict of "legally disabled" on January 18th, 2011 came small, uneventful, and quietly.   

There will be no backpay from 2005 as I'd been told in the beginning, so it equals no financial gain to be disabled.  Plus my husband still works, so I'm not sure that there will be any future gain since this is a "needs based" program.  My only hope is that I can get health insurance for less that what I'm paying now since that has become my most important priority. 

I have a lot to say about the disability system after being a participant in it for 5 years.  I've formed an opinion of judges, lawyers, courts and legal assistants as well.  But at this point, I'm afraid to say anything because this system has knocked me down hard with it's cold, uncaring, legalistic loopholes and I'm afraid what I have will be taken away from me. 

I don't know who originally thought up the idea of giving disabled folks help, but somehow I don't think that what we have today is what they meant.  I have seen people who are much healthier and wealthier get disability while others who are worse off than me suffer from negligence. 

One thing I have seen is that those who have been well enough to work at good jobs are definitely the ones who get it faster and they get more financial benefits.  But the ones who are too sick to work, and don't know all the rules and are too poor to hire good lawyers are the ones who are ignored the longest if they get it at all.

I tried to stay positive, but I'm very depressed by all of it.  To be declared disabled is not an award I wanted to win when I started out in life.  Since the "award" I've not had any relief from pain, sickness or collector's calls.   

I'm trying to stay low and see what happens.  I realize that we don't have a perfect government, but it is sad when you lose hope in your government.  I love my country, and by that I mean the people, the suffering, the outcast, the ones who keep going after getting knocked down, and the ones that really do help others.  I love the land and the water and the air of my country, and that is suffering as well.   The pain of our land, water and air is a reflection of the sickness of it's people and the priorities of it's government.

Tonight, I find it hard to encourage you, but if you can do one thing to help another person, an animal, or a tree, do it.  If you are strong, speak out for many, write for many, care for many.  That's our only real hope is that we have enough light inside us to still shine for something other than ourself.   

"All the great things are simple,
and many can be expressed in a single word: 
freedom; justice; honor; duty; mercy; hope."
.....Winston Churchill