Un-tying Family Ties

Un-tying Family Ties
By:  Theresa Blume

Dealing with Fibromyalgia for many years has taught me that I cannot control the way I'd like things to turn out.  Ironically, giving up control helps me cope with stressful situations. 

My family took a mighty blow when my father died a year and a half ago.  He truly was the rock and foundation of our family.  Growing up, my Dad would make each of us six kids kneel at the couch, and we all said the rosary together.  It settled us down just before bed and made us reflect on things.  It was during those quiet times that Dad drilled into us was that our family was the only thing in the world.  We all grew up secure in the knowledge that nothing would break up our family.

But then, Dad died.  And Mom changed into a different person.  Everybody said it was great that she was able to get on with her life and move forward.  In fact, she is making plans to get married this fall.

Unfortunately us kids are still mourning our father.  We are also mourning the loss of the woman we knew as our mother.   And  now there is a new person who is coming into the situation.  Perhaps other baby boomers are experiencing something similar in their own families. 

Keep in mind that this is a personal blog, and I'm only writing from my own perspective, and not my mother's, or her soon to be husband, or siblings.  I throw this question out to the universe, not for myself, but for my grieving siblings:  How can they be joyful at this upcoming wedding and still sad at the funeral of our father that still seems like yesterday?  I see siblings who can't move on, stuck by our father's words that our family must always stay together, trying to be loyal to him, yet feeling lost and betrayed.
This is a great life challenge for each member of our family.  Our foundation has been jerked out from under us, and what we learne was right is not working. 

Yet, one of the things that Dad instilled in me, is actually helping me cope with this difficult time, and that is my faith in God.  And it is not just my faith in God, but God Himself is helping me through this time.  My stress relief comes in writing-in journals, blogs, and working on my novel.  I study spiritual things every night, and know that I don't have to understand everything to accept it.  I also have a business that takes my mind off misery, and brings fun and smiles into my life, and I have my own family to take care of which has it's own ups and downs.

I live with physical pain every single day, every single minute, so I've found ways to have pain and happiness at the same time.  Maybe happiness isn't always there, but there is a peace.  I might not like what is going on, but my peace doesn't come from what I expect of other people.  My peace comes from inside my own soul.

I think after making so many mistakes and learning to love myself anyway, I know that I can reach out for help if I need it.  I've had breakdowns, and nothing and nobody in this world is worth having one for.  My heart might break at times, especially as a mother, I have experienced this, but I've found that it is OK to be sad and ask for help.  There are times we can't do this thing called life all by our self.  In fact, we weren't supposed to.  It's the hardest for the toughest of us to ask for help because those tough ones have made a life of being tough.  It's the weakest of us who can get through life because we've already had to ask for help maybe many times.  The tree that bends lives to tell about the storm.    

There is a lot of sadness in this life, and it's not over with yet.  Maybe tomorrow will be different and I won't feel so peaceful.  But the word "HOPE" has been one of the most important in my vocabulary.  I've also lately learned more about love, especially that love never dies.  My father's love didn't die.  It's still in my heart and in my life, and in my dreams.  And like I started out this blog, the faith that my father gave us is holding me strong.  So, even though I didn't plan it, this blog is not really about stress after all, but about Faith, Hope, and Love.  Once more this ended up not the way I planned, but that's a good thing tonight!

"And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."......1Corinthians 13:13